This is today's Note from the Universe, which comes to my inbox daily:
Just as it's true of kissing, Lisa, let your life be measured and thoughtful.
Mwah,
The Universe
PS: Actually, Lisa, your entire life is like one very long, very sweet kiss.
I have to get something off my chest here. In case you didn't know this, I am not a man, I am a woman. Apparently this makes me unworthy of most of the products sold during the Superbowl.
Many of the Superbowl ads this year make me ashamed to be part of this industry. Granted, Superbowl ads are generally heavy on the testosterone (Go Daddy anyone?), but this year's ads, in my opinion, were the worst, most misogynistic collection of spots I've seen in a while, if not ever. At $3 million dollars a pop, I was thinking these companies would try to broaden their reach to include rather than disclude. Silly me. Must be because I'm a woman.
I'll name but a few.
- Docker's "wear the pants" campaign (you already know I hate this, no need to discuss again)
- the new Dove men's line ("manthem"... need I say more?)
- Chrysler ("I will carry your lip balm, I will watch your vampire TV shows with you, I will put the seat down, I will put my underwear in the basket, and because I do this, I will drive the car I want. Man's. Last. Stand.")
- FloTV (something about the girl removing the guy's spine and making him shop with her)
- Bridgestone (the guy throws his wife out of the car in the pouring rain because he loves his tires more)
- Bud Light (guys at their wives' book club - one exchange was something like "How do you feel about Little Women?" "I'm not too picky" and another was a guy and girl talking about reading and the guy said something like, "I'd like to hear YOU read some words."
And yes, there were more, these were just the standouts.
What the hell? These spots are sending clear messages, including that men are superior to women, women make men weak, in fact women are either nags or sex objects and that's all, being a "man" means something specific rather than having a certain combination of chromosomes and therefore effeminate men (god forbid gay men) are not real men... I could go on and on and on.
I guess the two main things I don't understand are a) the aggressive attitude behind this, and b) why masculinity must be constructed in opposition to (and at the expense of) other groups? This social construction is fascinating and upsetting to me. When there are messages to women about being real women (and let's be honest, that's rare in this male-dominated culture), it's generally about being more comfortable in your own skin compared to other women, not compared to men. (Of course, this is only when marketers are not trying to sell women on beauty products to make them into the ideal woman for their man, but that's beside my point.) Why does this sense of masculinity have to be in opposition to women? To gay men? To men a little less 'roided up than others?
I am thankful that the two guys who were at my Superbowl party are nice guys who were just as offended as I was at these ads (if not more). But a plea to all the marketers out there reading this. Please stop. It's 2010. And I am not amused.
PS: Time Magazine agrees with me - "Wow, Super Bowl ad men really hate Super Bowl ad women this year, don't they?" Uh, clearly.
| Male Inequality | |
"I believe in everything until it's disproved. So I believe in fairies, the myths, dragons. It all exists, even if it's in your mind. Who's to say that dreams and nightmares aren't as real as the here and now?" - John Lennon
Okay, there's something I need to address right now. I was going to do this on Facebook but decided against it since what I really want to say may be perceived as rude and therefore shouldn't be said in front of my clients. So I'm going to say it here. What else is a blog for?
In case you haven't picked up on this, it's "Doppelganger Week" on Facebook. Basically what The Book is telling you to do is to replace your profile picture with a picture of a celebrity who you look like.
I'm sure you know what I'm going to say next. I mean, come on people. Let me spell it out for good measure.
You. Do. Not. Look. Like. Audrey. Hepburn.
You really, really don't. I don't understand what would prompt people to do this, honestly. How embarrassing for you that you think you look like Audrey Hepburn. Anne Hathaway. Julia Roberts. Tina Fey. I mean, have a little self-respect people. I'm honestly not trying to be mean when I say this, although I know it is mean. But let's be realistic - if you looked like a celebrity, you would probably be a celebrity. At the very least, we would not be friends.
Who would I even change my picture to? Who would you? I cannot think of ONE celebrity who I even mildly resemble, except possibly Keri Russell's HAIR. And yes, I'm saying that the entirety of me from the front basically looks like her hair from the back. That's absolutely all about her that even vaguely resembles me.
Don't get me wrong, I think I'm cute enough. This is not me being down on myself. This is me pointing out the obvious. I don't look like a celebrity, and neither do you. Get over yourself.
And so in honor of this RIDICULOUS week, I've narrowed down my doppelganger to four choices. Take your pick.
1) This article by Mark Morford: "Why are you so terribly disappointing?"
"Big f--ing deal. We just do not care. It's all a big disappointment. Hey, I was expecting to be blown away. I was expecting miracles and transformations and multiple twitching orgasms on sight. Do not come at me with tantalizing promises only to reveal that you can fulfill most of them to a fairly good degree, and not far exceed all of them in every imaginable way. We're Americans, goddammit. Ye shall know us by the tang of our bitter and untenable jadedness.
Also, global warming? Total effing letdown. Americans are no longer believing in it. Do you know why? Not because the mountains of scientific proof aren't there. Not because it's not happening. But because it's not yet happening to us like they said it would in the movies and those worst-case scenario books. Where are the zombies? The ice forests? Where's the tidal wave crashing over the Himalayas? I want my goddamn apocalypse, and I want it now."
2) This list: "If Movie Posters Told the Truth" - my favorite is the Titanic poster:
1) Today's Epic Win from when we were kids (uh, hell yes!):
"To all the people watching, I can never thank you enough for your kindness to me and I'll think about it for the rest of my life. All I ask of you is one thing: please don't be cynical. I hate cynicism -- it's my least favorite quality and it doesn't lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen."
- Conan O'Brien
That's right, you forgot about the Shiba Inu puppy cam, didn't you? Well here's a dose of happy:
Video streaming by Ustream
In this clip, Conan plays real guitar along with Rock Band. Hilarious. :)
Three hilarious pictures for you on this Good News Friday.
1) New NBC logo - combines the Fail Whale and the NBC peacock. Suck it, NBC.
"May today there be peace within you. May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others. May you use the gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content with yourself just the way you are. Let this knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us."
(Thanks Alicia)
This is one of the best Daily Show segments I've ever seen - from last night's episode. If you haven't seen this you have to watch it, it's fantastic. The two best quotes:
"What is the worst-case scenario for New Jersey? Other than it being New Jersey?"
"It was just as our forefathers had envisioned. That one day people who had been discriminated against for their religion or the color of their skin could come together, to discriminate against people for their sexual orientation. Without the slightest sense of irony."
Enjoy:
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You can always count on Current's SuperNews for a funny take on things.
(thanks Nolan!)
This is Conan's official statement on the matter. Please read it. I could not agree more.
People of Earth:
In the last few days, I’ve been getting a lot of sympathy calls, and I want to start by making it clear that no one should waste a second feeling sorry for me. For 17 years, I’ve been getting paid to do what I love most and, in a world with real problems, I’ve been absurdly lucky. That said, I’ve been suddenly put in a very public predicament and my bosses are demanding an immediate decision.
Six years ago, I signed a contract with NBC to take over The Tonight Show in June of 2009. Like a lot of us, I grew up watching Johnny Carson every night and the chance to one day sit in that chair has meant everything to me. I worked long and hard to get that opportunity, passed up far more lucrative offers, and since 2004 I have spent literally hundreds of hours thinking of ways to extend the franchise long into the future. It was my mistaken belief that, like my predecessor, I would have the benefit of some time and, just as important, some degree of ratings support from the prime-time schedule. Building a lasting audience at 11:30 is impossible without both.
But sadly, we were never given that chance. After only seven months, with my Tonight Show in its infancy, NBC has decided to react to their terrible difficulties in prime-time by making a change in their long-established late night schedule.
Last Thursday, NBC executives told me they intended to move the Tonight Show to 12:05 to accommodate the Jay Leno Show at 11:35. For 60 years the Tonight Show has aired immediately following the late local news. I sincerely believe that delaying the Tonight Show into the next day to accommodate another comedy program will seriously damage what I consider to be the greatest franchise in the history of broadcasting. The Tonight Show at 12:05 simply isn’t the Tonight Show. Also, if I accept this move I will be knocking the Late Night show, which I inherited from David Letterman and passed on to Jimmy Fallon, out of its long-held time slot. That would hurt the other NBC franchise that I love, and it would be unfair to Jimmy.
So it has come to this: I cannot express in words how much I enjoy hosting this program and what an enormous personal disappointment it is for me to consider losing it. My staff and I have worked unbelievably hard and we are very proud of our contribution to the legacy of The Tonight Show. But I cannot participate in what I honestly believe is its destruction. Some people will make the argument that with DVRs and the Internet a time slot doesn’t matter. But with the Tonight Show, I believe nothing could matter more.
There has been speculation about my going to another network but, to set the record straight, I currently have no other offer and honestly have no idea what happens next. My hope is that NBC and I can resolve this quickly so that my staff, crew, and I can do a show we can be proud of, for a company that values our work.
Have a great day and, for the record, I am truly sorry about my hair; it’s always been that way.
Yours,
Conan
I've been pissed off about a lot of decisions TV network execs have made in the past, but I have to say, this one takes the cake, at least in my recent memory. NBC, you have got to be kidding me. You made Conan relocate his family, his life, and his staff to s****y (hint: not "sunny") California after Leno quit (quit, NBC! he quit! remember that???), and now you are bending to his every wish and taking away Conan's time slot to give it to him? What is this, high school theater? Are we on the show Glee right now? Let me spell it out for you: Leno. Is. Not. Funny. If I were Conan, I would be trying to frack NBC over right about now, so I really loved this clip from last night's show where he discusses his options. This one is my favorite: "Move to Fox and follow their hit show '24' with a new show called '24:05.'" Suck it, NBC:
1) Don't think I haven't considered doing this: "Learning to Smoke." I have. But I would get addicted. Even in just 30 days.
2) My ex-boyfriends are now all either engaged or married. And it's really weird. Not because I want to be married right now, because I don't. But it's weird for some reason anyway. Like, do I date the marrying type of guy? I don't know. I can't say exactly why it's weird, but it is. Although, not as weird as the wife of one of my high school boyfriends telling me that at 26 and a half years old I'm encroaching on advanced maternity stage. Thank you.
3) My coworkers don't know me at all. And in their absence of any real getting to know me, they make assumptions that aren't true. And it upsets me a great deal. I'd honestly rather have no interaction with them whatsoever than interaction like this.
4) I miss my friends.
Here are three things that made me laugh, but potentially could offend you.
1) A brief interview with the devil / Given how he was a little busy, what with the world the way it is, and such
Here's a little secret I don't talk about much, but you'll forget it the instant I leave anyway: The world is actually teeming with beauty and life and rejuvenation, hope and awe and epiphany, every moment of every day. There is pure bliss, entire universes of knowing, pure God consciousness available in the smallest instant, the complete breath, the gentlest human touch. But you didn't hear it from me!
2) The mouseover caption on this xkcd comic was:
The BBC lead was: "The elusive erogenous zone said to exist in some women may be a myth, say researchers who have hunted for it." I couldn't read it with a straight face.
"I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day, and I believe in miracles."
- Audrey Hepburn
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