Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Letters to my TV shows

Because my New Year's resolution is to be more social, I keep missing my TV shows, and I've been terrible at keeping up with them via DVR. But I do have a few thoughts I'd like to share...

1) Heroes. Don't even start with me, Heroes. You're kidding me, right? You are the boy who cried wolf. After your fantabulous first season and your completely crappy second season, you went running all over the place telling every reporter who would listen that you were going to be back on your game for season three and everyone was going to be amazed. I have one thing to say to you. Fail. And now you want us to believe you again? That volume 4 ("Fugitives") is going to be the best thing ever and we're all going to want to tune in every week even though you're on against 24, The Bachelor, One Tree Hill... uhh... Bromance?... Kyle XY?... a rerun of Wife Swap?... even that godforsaken Two and A Half Men -- I don't watch it, but clearly someone does, unless Nielsen himself is rigging the ratings -- need I go on? Give me a break. You've gotta prove yourself to me, Heroes, and you will be doing it via Netflix DVD after the season is finished. Nice try.

2) Lost. Okay, Lost -- I call uncle. Very clever. I am literally getting lost. Ha ha. You win. Don't get me wrong, I still love the format of the show, and I know you must be driving toward something because the show has a set end date, so I am hanging in there. But... to be honest, you started to lose me with all the time traveling that started in the fall. Why??? Was this part of the plan all along? Or is this a gimmick you are using to keep everyone confused? There's a difference between the kind of mystery you used to conjure and the kind you're creating this season. Because in my opinion the real mystery now is why on earth you decided to rely so heavily on time travel (first forward, then back, now all over the place?) this season. Did you just decide that whole island thing was played out? And now you're introducing new characters off the island? It's a bit much for me. I will keep watching -- but Lost, you are officially on notice.

3) 24. Yeah, don't get too conceited that I mentioned you above, 24. Because you are on thin ice with me as well. I have to give it to you - this season is much better than last season. (Last season was pathetic. I mean, honestly.) But where's the old adrenaline rush? You keep making the storylines so convoluted. I want action! I want adventure! I want Jack Bauer jumping off something and screaming "THERE'S NO TIME!!!!" And most importantly, I want Chloe. I know that 24 characters disappear faster than you can say terrorist attack. But Chloe is in this season, but not really in it. And that is really frustrating. (Why would you bother having an entire episode without her, if she is still in the cast??) And more than that, we are NOT fooled by this little bait-and-switch you are trying to pull with Janeane Garofalo. She is no Chloe, no matter how many irritated faces she makes. Smooth move, but no dice. However, I have to give you props for bringing back Tony. We all love Tony. Can you bring back Nina too? Now THAT would be a storyline. (You get more and more like The X-Files every day, 24. Pretty soon you're going to replace Jack Bauer with a one-armed Russian and expect us to all smile and stay tuned.)

4) The Office: You are essentially my hilarious best friend, and right now we are in a fight. Because you are half ass-ing it, and I don't appreciate that at all. Half of every episode is funny. Half. Which I can accept from a mediocre sitcom with a laugh track. But with you it used to be all hilarity all the time! What happened? I was downright pissed at you last season. This season is better, yes. But where's the old Office? Where's my season 2 cast? I still see it every week in Dwight. But what happened to some of the other characters? Angela getting with Andy? Come on. And Jim and Pam?! It's not even just that there's no sexual tension now that they are together. They aren't even the same characters anymore. Why are you doing this to me? Please step it up. You are still one of the best shows on TV... but I want my Thursday nights to be awesome again.

5) It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia: WHY aren't you back from hiatus?? You are seriously killing me. I feel like I'm being "punked out by a couple of hippies," as you say. It's making me sad. Please get off your bar stools and start writing some scripts so you can come back on the air, because right now you (and 30 Rock) are my saving grace.

1 comment:

Salt Water said...

Thought I'd check in and see what you thought of Obama. I read this post, but I guess I'm too old to know anything about these shows. I did see "Hell's Kitchen" tonight. I go to some trouble to see that. Best wishes on keeping up with your resolution. It sounds like a good one.