Cynicism

"I think I know what it is. You see Stan, as you get older, things that you used to like start looking and sounding like shit. And things that seemed shitty as a child don't seem as shitty. But with you, somehow, the wires have gotten crossed and everything looks and sounds like shit to you. It's called being a cynical asshole." - South Park

I used to think I was really cynical, and I think I probably am about some things. But there is always a hope in my heart that people and things aren't as bad as they seem and that things will always work out in the end. I hope that fact alone means that I'm not a cynical asshole. I know people who are, and they aren't fun to be around. Last night's episode of South Park was so relatable to me. It's not fun to go to the movies with cynical people. They hate everything! What a bummer.

I'm taking the summer off from work to gear up for my new career in the fall (academia here I come!). I'm working this summer on trying to live in the present moment, to read more "fun" books and watch more documentaries (which I love), to play piano and guitar more often, to work on my anxiety, to write more (I promise!), to relax and enjoy my friends, and of course to pack up my apartment for my move.

But I think a worthy addition to that list is to try not to be cynical (especially about relationships, which seems to be my most cynicism-prone area). Part of the point of my summer respite is to start breaking free of the NYC mentality, which unfortunately is steeped in cynicism. It doesn't suit my personality. I need to get out of this city for a lot of reasons - it's too loud, too stressful, too fast-paced, too harsh, too competitive, too mean, too uncaring and unkind. But it's also too cynical. It's time to let go.

via